Holiday Etiquette: Merry Christmas! Now it's time to write Thank You Notes

I don't think I've ever written a thank you for a Christmas gift. I've thanked the person. But I've never written a note. Is it better to write a thank you than, say, call them?

Thank-You Notes

Write thank-you notes as soon as possible, preferably within two or three days.  Try to acknowledge holiday gifts before New Year’s Day.

Tips:
-       The sooner you write it, the easier it is
-       Write the note as if you were speaking with the person
-       Keep it short and sweet
-       Personalize the note with the gift and giver
-       Focus on the positive and don’t mention any dissatisfaction with the gift

Is it necessary to write thank you notes to family members?

A thank you note is always appreciated, but a note isn’t needed if you’ve thanked someone in person for a gift—the most personal thanks of all. If you receive gifts from family members that you won’t see to thank in person, write them a thank you note, both to let them know their gift arrived and that you liked it. Remember that relatives from ‘the old school’ may still expect a written note even if thanks were given in person.

What about an e-mailed thank you note for holiday gifts?

While it may be all right if you and the giver e-mail each other frequently, it’s still no substitute for a handwritten note. Thanking the person the old-fashioned way will emphasize how much the gift means to you.

Holiday Etiquette: Holiday Tipping and Gifting

This one gets me, I admit. Should you tip more at the holidays? Who gets a tip/gift? Is it necessary? At the end of the second page (Holiday Tipping is Really Holiday Thanking) there's an extensive chart on who to tip and what. They really put a lot of thought into this, and I, personally, appreciate it!

Holiday Tip vs. Holiday Gift

The holiday season is a budget stretching season for many. Between your gift list, holiday tips, parties, dinners out and  traveling, it's easy for expenses to quickly add up. One question we've often been asked is: What's the difference between a tip and a gift?

It can easily get confusing and it's important to make a distinction about whether you're giving someone a gift or a tip. Why? Professionals shouldn't be tipped--and doing so could be perceived as inappropriate. For example, a cash tip to your child's teacher or a government employee such as a postal worker is (in most cases) a prohibited practice. Gifts of small monetary value, however, are fine. 

Tipping is an end-of-year cash gratuity to a service provider such as your doorman, hairdresser, newspaper delivery person, baby sitter  or dog groomer, to thank them for their consistent and outstanding service.

Why does this get so confusing? One reason may be that you can give a gift instead of or in addition to a tip, a helpful tactic if you're strapped for cash. For more on this topic, check out our tipping chart, complete with monetary recommendations here.

Gifting: A thoughtful present to recognize and show appreciation for family, friends, co-workers and other people in our lives.

We've received many questions about whether to tip or give a gift to teachers and health care professionals. These professionals fall into the gift category. Here's why:

Teachers

It's wonderful for a child to want to give a gift to his or her teacher. It's also lovely for a parent to recognize a teacher's hard work. Books, gift certificates to office supply stores or other thoughtful items are welcome. Teachers are salaried professionals - a cash tip is not appropriate as it could be seen as "currying favor." Use this opportunity to teach  your child the basics of gift-giving etiquette, such as how to select a gift that someone would like and how to present it to the person.

 

Nurses or Health Care Professionals:

Cash gifts may be prohibited. Check with each institution's policy before giving a gift to a medical professional. At some non-profit institutions, a donation may be made in honor of a nurse or other employee. Health care professionals have told us they do welcome gifts such as platters of food or cookies that can be shared with staff. Gift cards, if allowed, are a great option too. Good choices include gift cards for the hospital coffee shop or area restaurants. If you select a gift for an individual, choose one that is meaningful to you and always accompany it with a hand-written note of thanks. 

 

Remember: Gifts and tips at the holidays, are optional (unless part of a written contract) and depend on your budget and relationship to the provider. Holiday tips don't replace consistent kindness and expressed gratitude throughout the year.

 

Holiday Tipping Is Really Holiday Thanking

The holiday season is traditionally the time Americans choose to thank those who provide them with year-round services. In these tough economic times it’s important to remember that holiday tipping is truly about saying thank you. With a little creativity you can accommodate everyone on your list this year without blowing your budget.

Here are some things to consider when you're deciding how to thank people, who you will spend money on, and how much you will spend:

• Your budget: First and foremost, you shouldn’t feel obligated to go beyond your personal budget.
• If your budget does not allow for tips, consider homemade gifts; and if you’re not good with crafts or in the kitchen, remember that words are always a great way to express your thanks for a year of good service.
• Any gift or tip should always be accompanied by a short handwritten note of appreciation. (Two or three sentences will be enough.)
• Do you already tip regularly? If you tip at the time of service, you may forego an end of the year tip, or give a more modest holiday thank you. You may also choose to give a small gift instead.
• The quality and frequency of the service you receive.
• Your relationship with the service provider.
• Location: Tipping averages tend to be higher in larger cities.
• Length of service: The number of years you’ve been using the service.
• Regional customs.
• Type of establishment: Is it deluxe or moderate?
• When in doubt, ask: Call the front desk and ask what is 1) accepted by the company, and 2) typical for what they see from other customers.
• Common sense, specific circumstances and holiday spirit should always be your guide.
• Don’t buy into the thought that if you don’t tip you won’t get good service for the coming year. If you think you've had bad service for this reason, you might want to consider changing companies or speaking directly with a manager. 

Holiday Etiquette: Tips for visiting

Five Tips for Holiday Visits from the Emily Post website. I especially like #2 and #4. Then again, this website is supposed to be for Uncle Jim in #4, isn't it?!

Of course #2 is a good one, too. I always ask if I can help and not stand around talking instead like a lump. But I never volunteer to do anything specific. This year I'll offer to do something specific, though I know a lot of people like their dishwashers loaded to their own specifications. Maybe I'll volunteer to dry dishes instead.

The Gracious Guest: Five Tips for Holiday Visits

1. All hosts—including your mother and aunts—love a surprise gift.
2. Be willing to pitch in, but instead of asking the harried host how you can help, volunteer to do a specific job like loading the dishwasher.
3. If you make the offer to help and the host firmly declines, back off—some people really don’t want guests in their kitchen.
4. At family get-togethers, don’t let nosy questions upset you. Deflect rudeness by changing the topic: “You’re right, Uncle Jim, I was thinner last year. How ‘bout those Steelers?”
5. Visiting friends or family?  Observe this rule of thumb: Three nights is usually plenty. Spell out arrival and departure times well in advance so your host isn’t left guessing.

Holiday Etiquette: Regifting

Emily Post (and her descendants) have a lovely website that's full of useful information. Today's topic is on regifting, which I'm a very big fan of. It's like recycling! Why trash a present you don't necessarily like or want when you can pass it onto someone who does?

Now Emily (or in this case whoever posted to the site) says regifting isn't OK except in these circumstances:

• You're certain that the gift is something the recipient would really like to receive.
• The gift is brand new (no cast-offs allowed) and comes with its original box and instructions.
• The gift isn't one that the original giver took great care to select or make.

Simply put, you have to make sure you don't hurt feelings - either the original giver's or the new recipient's. Would the person who gave you the gift mind that you passed it along? Do he and the recipient of your gift know each other, and would it be awkward if they realized that you've reregifted a gift from one to the other? Here are two scenarios where regifting would be appropriate:

1. Your sister's coffeemaker just stopped working, and her birthday is days away. You, who are on a budget, have been given a coffemaker that's a duplicate of the one you already have. Your sister has always liked yours. Instead of stashing the extra coffeemaker in your closet, you wrap it in its original box and present it to her. She's delighted.
2. You've been given two copies of the same book. Your best friend, with whom you exchange Christmas gifts each year, is a fan of the author. You decide to give her the book - not as a holiday gift, but as a surprise: "Edith, I received two copies of this book and want you to have one." An "unofficial" gift of this sort is not wrapped.

Only you can decide whether a scenario meets the criteria above. Think through each situation carefully, and if you're still in doubt, don't do it.

Kristabel's take on this: If you want to clean out your closets and don't want to trash stuff, give them to charities that will then sell them.

Holiday Etiquette: Travel

I was talking with a co-worker the other day and we decided we needed a copy of Emily Post to give out to all the people we see on a daily basis who have no idea how to behave. It gave me this idea.

The holidays are stressful even if you're not hosting any parties. It just seems like there's a heightened level of "I want to scream at everyone" present.

Luckily, Emily Post has a website!

Today's topic: Travel in the 21st century

Here are a few tips, both defensive and offensive, to get you through your travels with less stress and more civility.

• Arrive early. This may be obvious, but it's often undervalued. As your stress level rises your capacity for tolerance and civility often decreases.
• Stay calm if your gate agent gives you bad news. Losing your temper won't get you there faster, and it may lose you the sympathy of the one person who could possibly pull some strings.
• Dress and pack with security in mind to avoid delaying other passengers. Do your homework on current screening procedures and airline policies for checked and carry-on luggage. There are still clueless passengers who pack large bottles of liquids in their carry-on luggage-a nuisance to everyone behind them. Wear shoes that are easy to take on and off, and keep items you may have to remove from your luggage for screening, such as laptops, readily accessible. This keeps the line moving, which keeps tempers calm. If you're a frequent traveller who knows the drill, be patient with those who are new at this-they may be nervous.
• If you can't choose your environment, create your own. Bring an eye shade for napping, and use headphones to listen to music or movies (whether in the terminal or on the plane), or earplugs to block out unwanted conversations. If your seatmate won't stop chatting with you, smile and say, "Well, it's been nice speaking with you. I'm going to read for a bit now."
• Do your fellow travellers a favour and step away from others in the terminal to take cell phone calls, and keep calls brief while in security lines or taxi-ing to the gate after landing.
• The middle seat arm rests are shared property. That said, it's generous for the aisle and window seat holders to give the middle passenger a chance to claim them first
• Travelling is trying for adults, and even more so for children. Crying babies are part of the air travel package, so it's a good idea to stash some earplugs in your carry on. However, if a child is kicking the back of your seat, it's okay to ask their parent to have them stop. Smile and say, "I know it's tough for kids, but would you mind asking him not to kick the seat? Thanks." Keep it short and offer some understanding, and it's likely the parent-and child-will comply
• Reading over someone's shoulder is nosy and intrusive. Avoid the temptation and come prepared with books, magazines, or a laptop of your own. Privacy filters for computers and smart phones will bar wandering eyes. If 6A is taking an unhealthy interest in your screen, meet his gaze briefly. This will jolt his awareness - the best medicine for rude behaviour.
• With airlines cutting back on complimentary in-flight meals and snacks, the smart traveller packs his own. Avoid foods with strong odours that may bother your neighbours though, such as tuna fish, egg salad, or a garlicky meatball sub-enjoy these in the terminal instead. Due to the prevalence of nut allergies, it's best to avoid these snacks altogether.

You can't always choose your neighbours on the plane or in the boarding area, but you can take responsibility for your own comfort and come as prepared as possible.

This article was originally distributed by Reuters.

Wednesday Regency

Read an interesting article on what makes something a Regency. For instance, Emma can be Clueless. Regency? As if!

But, if detail is not paid to fashion, manners, and décor, it is not a Regency.

All too true. It's really in the details that make it an historical an historical. It's language, rules, etiquette. Without that crucial difference, you can take a story like Emma and turn it into a movie like Clueless.

I like this whole paragraph, but let's face it, the last sentence says it all and is one of the prime reasons (but not the) that I loathe that version.

The Bennet sisters in Pride and Prejudice are all clad in very simple pastels signaling they are marriageable but not wealthy. Mr. Darcy's aunt is clad in a blend of late Georgian and Regency, expressing her independence and dominance in both character and social position. Persuasion's Anne Elliot, now a spinster with no expectations, fortune, or hope of marriage, wears exactly what she pleases in the way of color. The various members of her family dress according to their age and station in life. In the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice, director Joe Wright’s muddled approach to costume is so deplorable, it is the perfect example of what a Regency is not.